Sometimes I wonder If my whole life was just one wrong turn after another. One dead end after another.. and no where fast. I wish I loved money. I wish I did.. But its never motivated me.. It didn't when I practiced law. It wasn't why I worked so hard to become a lawyer. I actually don't know Why I became one in the first place. I guess I like to spare. To argue, and verbally discuss things like right and wrong, and the side less traveled.. To help those who needed it...

Instead what I found was largely a system that runs on money for the sake of money, and that was disappointing. I never had any heroes really. Maybe one. Maybe one I didn't really know, but he interested me because people told stories about him.. I never knew if they were true because you know how people are and stories.. I followed him from a distance, and kept track sort of the things that went on over there at the Firm from a Distance... Eventually, His firm hired my firm to handle some of the phen-fen docket, and it made me some money. Money that I quickly burned up on divorce, sports car, loft, drugs, and women.. Money that I used to go to Rehab on, and to pay child support, drug testing facilities, and supervised visitors to live with me so that I could see my only two children.. who taught me real love, but who I lost and haven't seen in many years... SO it was like every time I almost got what I wanted something happened to take it away. I just got tired of having all the looks, brains, and talent, but never getting the prize..

Maybe that's my story.. Never getting the prize.. I was almost national champion three times, but came in second place... Its like never getting that One ring.. like the Cubs curse or something.. SO here I am in Hollywood, on food stamps, and living with the assistance of my Grandmother who is more concerned about Drugs than anything else.. its worse than the IRS with her, and I wonder sometimes why I haven't killed myself...

I can't. Too much God given talent.. And then to be harassed by these people who are successful, is really sort of interesting.. It is.. I mean I seen a lot of things in my life, but not once did I ever have the desire to kick someone when they were down.. It just didn't seem to cross my mind.. But out here.. its more like common behavior, and that too me is not humanity, but just asshole ism.. really. SO fuck your group, and you too...

I see clearly.. I speak the truth.. IN the City of Lies, and bullshit news..